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Ruminating on Self!! November 11, 2009

Posted by Hastak Shah in Life.
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Have you ever looked back into your life, and found surprised to see where you were then and where you are now? Or how you were then, and how you’ve been now? Am sure many of you take time to do this to yourself. For some it may reflect happy surprises, while for some it may be sad.

Now while I find myself on a turning point of life, I am doing the same thing. Reflecting on my past. To me it has come up as a mixed image of life, but still felicity dominates. Sadness only comprises of regrets of some unforseen mistakes done in past. I have a self developed principle in life –

“Never do things that make you sorry later on and never feel sorry for things you’ve already done”

I know this is contradictory. Let me justify it. First part “Never do things that make you sorry later on” should be pretty clear. It means you want to do things thoughtfully and not regret for it later on. While in the second part “Never feel sorry for things you’ve already done”, I don’t say that you should not be sorry for the wrong you’ve done. Of course! You have to be sorry to whom you’ve done wrong to, but don’t feel sorry for yourself because at the first place, you should have been thoughtful and have not done that. Anyways, that’s just me.

Getting back to the topic, about reflecting on past, yes, I find myself to have changed a lot and changed to good. A boy from a small town, not too serious about studies, a bit nerdy and not too popular TO a boy in a metropolitan acing the studies, confident, leader and inspirer TO a guy in foreign land who is much mature, a good thinker and loving life.

After fetching good score in 10th, while in teenage, I was never too serious about things in life, neither studies, nor future. Never took my parents seriously. And I failed in 12th. Highly inspired by my technocrat dad, I chose to continue in engineering and went to Mumbai for further studies. Away from home, just by self, struggling to make my place in new city, but I started loving it and settled quick enough to prove myself and my potential. And I did it, maintaining top 3’s throughout studies, leading college Table-Tennis team, organising first ever events, best of all receiving national-level best student award. And, then in Australia, with God’s grace, I have been lucky to find jobs easily and find good friends. Though away from home, I’ve never felt home-sick much like other international students. I have learnt to feel content about myself, my potential and my belongings. Only thing I strive now is to give out my best to others.

Sadness or regrets I have when I look back in life, is only about the two things, not obeying my parents when I should have had and about my unsuccessful streak of tries to build relationship(s). You know what I am talking about don’t you?

I am sure, with all that I am now my parents would have forgiven me for my disobedience. But when it comes to relationships, I have been complete unfortunate or may be a bad judge. I have fallen for ones, who would never reciprocate equally, while I have been helpless otherwise. My very good friend once said to me “There is a no now, for there is a better tomorrow”, and I am still waiting for that tomorrow.

Well, soon with all the current progress and rapid changes, life is only going to get better. Let’s wait and watch what life has in the plate for me!!

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